As I typed that title, I realized how this might sound. So let me answer this upfront- no, there are no babies around here haha. My fingers are somewhat trembling as I type this post. I started this blog platform last year in April and it was one of the best decisions I had made, no regrets. However, just like how life took a turn for EVERYONE last year, my life was flipped upside down in May shortly after my blog was published. So let’s rewind a bit and I’ll explain where the heck I’ve been…
Okay so basically everything changed a little before Memorial Day weekend. At the time, we had been in quarantine for about 2 months and all were looking forward to the summer even if it was just to get outside and walk in the beaming sun. Unfortunately, over that holiday week into weekend, I started to feel nauseous and uneasy. My (chronic) migraines were picking up, I couldn’t keep any food down, my body was aching, and I felt very dehydrated. Several doctor visits, 2 CT scans, 2 covid tests, 2 visits to the emergency room, 1 HIDA scan and an upper endoscopy later, I was diagnosed with several gastrointestinal disorders in July shortly after my 23rd birthday. From the middle of May till about the middle of July, I was in a very dark place, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can remember very clearly days upon days laying in bed just waiting for the time to pass to hopefully wake up with less pain. Even worse, I started to feel bad for even having these problems because all I could think of was how the world was suffering with COVID-19 and who was I to complain about my issues when there were clearly more pressing matters happening to others. I am going to share something that one of the ER nurses told me on my second visit. I was so fed up with not knowing any answers and feeling like a burden, that I confessed it all to the kind nurse who was with me that day. She said to me “I’m so glad you are here Sara. Many patients aren’t coming at all to the ER room because they are terrified of contracting the virus or they think their problems aren’t as important as others. It is imperative that regardless of what is going on with covid, that you remain vigilant in caring for your own health. Please pass this along to your family and friends so they know not to be scared of coming to the ER when it is needed.” Wow, mind blown. I was shocked to hear this because I was expecting them to kinda agree with me that my health issues weren’t as “important” as others… boy was I dead wrong though.
These past 6 months, after my diagnosis in July, has consisted of MANY trial and error escapades. I have been put on and taken off several medications to find what works best for my body. I have kept a food journal to decipher what my triggers are. I have tried different alternatives to foods that I once had no problem of eating. I have refrained from consuming alcohol for the most part. I have exercised nearly every week day for at least 30 minutes a day to keep my endorphins up but most importantly, I have shifted my mindset. Instead of being the terrified, nervous, and reserved person who was contemplating even going to the ER (trust me, if my parents hadn’t nearly dragged me to the car, I wouldn’t have gone) when I was in excruciating pain, I am now a curious, open-minded, adaptable woman who is fighting to get more answers. I feel somewhat proud that after all these months I am able to speak up for myself and my body. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely felt like my body had betrayed me for awhile there, but now I believe it was alerting me to know that something was wrong. I believe we can all relate to this in some way. Perhaps you also feel like your problems, health-related or otherwise, are not “as bad” or “as important” as others so you dismiss them… take it from me, your body knows itself and you are JUST AS IMPORTANT.
So now that brings us to the present day. Here I am back on my blog, with a Starbucks next to me, writing away. You may be thinking, okay so why is she doing this again after so much time has passed? To that I would answer, I have no freaking idea. Like I mentioned previously, 2020 was a dark year for me and it had a lot to do with what was going on mentally and health-wise. I felt like I was unworthy of this platform, I felt like no one would care about what was going on with me because it was small peanuts compared to everything else. I deleted my blog app off my phone, tucked away all my ideas, and basically didn’t bring it up again. I was focused on my healing journey and getting my mind back into a better place.
In November, I had a very long conversation with my boyfriend, about what my life looked like and what I wanted for myself. I wanted to find an inner happiness most of all. He was the one who brought my blog back up to me and asked me why I stopped writing. Obviously my response was, “um I’ve been ill”. As our conversation flowed and he pressed me about my reasoning for stopping, I realized something that I hadn’t thought of before. Yes I was physically ill so I had stopped virtually everything I was doing outside of my actual job, but I didn’t feel confident anymore. I felt like my body betrayed me and when that ship sank, so did my self-confidence. I started this blog to make others feel confident, empowered, and worthy of all good things that come to them. I didn’t feel any of those things for months and months so who was I to share with my audience (all of y’all) my thoughts while trying to front a confident demeanor. And thats when it hit me. THAT is my why. That is my why behind dusting the cobwebs off this blog and taking the reins back of my life. Sure, not everyday is going to be as peachy as some, we all go through our struggles, but having friends and a community to support through the tough times, can make all the difference.
I hope this post has encouraged you to never doubt what your body/mind is telling you. I still have many questions unanswered about my recent diagnoses, which I intend to seek answers for without hesitation. It is my right to know what is happening with my own body and to understand how to nurture it to thrive like it once did. Thank you to all of you who have supported me and reached out over the past months (y’all know who you are), it has meant the absolute world to me. I suppose this isn’t the fashion/beauty post I had intended to gear my blog towards but this is real life. If I can help anyone else out there struggling with at least acknowledging their own self-worth, then this blog is worth it. Can’t wait to continue writing for y’all…Thanks for listening and sticking around xoxo.
P.S. I have decided to conquer one of my fears and put my blog into an instagram account! Follow me @saraeliseblog for content updates!
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